Tuesday, June 26th

Barely made it to the airport in time. It seemed nobody at the airport knew where we were supposed to be. At first they told us the airline didn't even open until later in the day. We finally figured it out. Then when we checked in they charged us for some bags despite the fact that Katie had confirmed via website AND phone that there would be no charge. When we boarded the plane, we discovered that our booking things months ago to be seated all together was changed without our knowledge. We were all split up for the 10 hour flight.

I didn't sleep. My body wouldn't sleep. There were a lot of movie choices, though. It was a nice way to pass such a long flight. And I watched the sun set and then rise half an hour later as we passed through time zones. That was a crazy experience!

My stupid pride & honest truth.

I've been wrestling a lot with Jesus. Sometimes I really struggle with the "why". In a lot of things. You know what I mean? I think we all do.

Lately, I have such a difficult time with why I have to constantly be up and down with health issues. It's like the moment I began eating right and exercising almost 2 years ago,it's been one thing after another.Go figure. There are probably several reasons for this. Attack against my commitment to the Lord is definitely a biggie. I believe that once I got healthy mentally, the enemy went to the physical because he knew he couldn't touch my head anymore. Lately I've found myself really wrestling with why my prayers aren't being answered. I even caught myself in the middle of a conversation with Jesus the other day in which I was saying, "I know I'm praying the right things. I'm praying your promises that you've already given! Why isn't this working? I know it's an attack and you WANT me to get healthy. To be in missions. So why not heal me? What am I missing here!?" It took a few days. And then suddenly, it hit me.

Pride. Plain and simple. Pride. I HATE being weak. I HATE asking for help. I HATE being the one needing. I delight in being Miss strong. Miss hardcore. Miss encourager and cheerleader. Powerhouse. That's the one term I have always secretly desired to be known as. When people think of me I want that image to come to mind. Like an elite gymnast or dancer. Focused. Beautiful. Strong. Yeah. Right......

I am discovering fully for maybe the first time through scripture and reminders from great teachers just how important it is to be humbly, honestly, and vulnerably weak. It may not be really fun to be honest. It makes me feel like I'm too much and not enough all at once. But I keep seeing lately reminders everywhere that when you are weak, that's when you're strong. I think it may be very possible that the Lord is calling me to be so open so that I can fully experience the Body of Christ working in the way it should. Maybe He wants my health and movement into full-time missions to be something that the CHURCH experiences and does, rather than just something I go do. Maybe this is a project and way for all of us to see Him at work and experience miracles like
never before. I'm not sure I completely understand this yet. But I can at least try to live it and hope the understanding comes.......

So, the truth. I am EXHASUTED. I feel physically weak all the time. I am scared. I am covered in hives and not sure the steroids are working. My entire body including the inside of my mouth itches BAD. I have an ear infection.I just feel.....off. I don't have energy to go to the gym at all. I'm freaking out about that because I usually go 6 days a week. I feel incredibly fat and freaked out about my weight. I'm sort of a mess. Strangely, I've been feeling very isolated and alone. And now I'm feeling naked for bluntly sharing all of this online. I could use some serious prayer warriors. I feel like God's calling me to ask for this big time for at least these next two weeks. This is very humbling for me. But here I am. Who wants to be praying and seeking with me for major things here? Who wants to join me in believe and asking for miracles and healing and wisdom with where to live and what to do? I need to body. The Church is my family. You're it.

I have hope. I know who God is. I know who I am. I know it ends beautifully. It's just the valleys that get hard while you're getting there.

"God delights to increase the faith of His children. We ought, instead of wanting no trials before victory, no exercise for patience, to be willing to take them from God's hands as a means. Trials, obstacles, difficulties and sometimes defeats, are the very food of faith." George Meuller

Prayer warriors, please?

Last year was the beginning of a
100%, unhindered, un-conditional commitment to long-term missions. Last year was also an important chunk of time spent working hard on a commitment to lose a significant amount of weight. Oddly enough, last year also presented a rather frightening and difficult health challenge for 10 months. And after several specialists and no help, Jesus healed me himself.

This year has not started off as a picnic. I committed to Africa this June. My heart has always had a love for Africa that is not ordinary. So this will be a starting place to see and experience a piece of it for the first time. Only a few weeks after I committed to the trip, I had a whole new batch of weird health issues begin to present themselves. What was supposed to be a normal abscess in a tooth in the beginning of April ended up being an expensive ordeal that was never healed. Over 3 weeks ago I woke up with a swollen face and painful mouth. The misery has only increased and I finally found out last week that an infection from my abscess has been circulating my bloodstream for two months and the doctor is worried about it getting into my heart. (What a buzzkill from the excitement of suddenly having these huge Angelina Jolie lips.)

It gets better. The penicillin doesn't seem to be working and I've developed an allergic reaction to it. I have hives and a swollen face and tongue this week.

It seems to me that since the moment I ended my "career" to commit myself fully to missions and becoming physically healthy, I've experienced one health blow after another. I attempt to be tough. I attempt to push hard and keep living normally despite whatever my body is doing. (I even spent this weekend in Disneyland.)
However, it has been wearing on me and I'm not sure I can be strong for a ton longer. I'm exhausted. I just want to feel healthy and vibrant and energetic again. I'm worried about Africa which will be here in a few short weeks. About my body and this trip.
I feel that this whole thing is absolutely an attack on the decisions I've made to be all I can be in Jesus. I'm aware that if we tap into it, we all have the ability to be incredible powerhouses when we learn to walk in the Spirit. And I believe there's an attempt to shut me down going on. The enemy failed with me mentally. Lost that game big time. So he's moved on to physical.

I write this today because I do believe in the necessity of the Body. I believe it takes the church. I believe there are those of you out there who have a heart and gift for prayer and intercession. And I believe that Biblically I'm supposed to ask for it in times like this. My stubborn pride doesn't like it. But here I am. Telling whoever finds this that I am pretty weak right now and would covet the prayers of those who know they're called to it. And I'll leave it at that.
I love you. All.

World altering truth.

This just blows me away. We get to know the heart and passion of the King of the Universe Himself. This right here should change how we view EVERYTHING:
"But rather what we are setting forth is a wisdom of God once hidden [from the human understanding] and now revealed to us by God--[that wisdom] which God devised and decreed before the ages for our glorification [to lift us into the glory of His presence]. None of the rulers of this age or world perceived and recognized and
understood this, for if they had, they would never have crucified the Lord of
glory. But, on the contrary, as the Scripture says, What eye has not
seen and ear has not heard and has not entered into the heart of man, [all that] God has prepared (made and keeps ready) for those who love Him [who hold Him in affectionate reverence, promptly obeying Him and gratefully recognizing the benefit He has bestowed]. Yet to us God has unveiled and revealed them by and through His Spirit, for the [Holy] Spirit searches diligently, exploring and examining everything, even sounding the profound and bottomless things of God [the divine counsels and things hidden and beyond man’s scrutiny]. For what person perceives (knows and understands) what passes through a man’s thoughts except the man’s own spirit within him? Just so no one discerns (comes to know and comprehend) the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. Now we have not received the spirit [that belongs to] the world, but the [Holy] Spirit Who is from God, [given to us] that we might realize and comprehend and appreciate the gifts [of divine favor and blessing so freely and lavishly] bestowed on us by God. And we are setting these truths forth in words not taught by human wisdom but taught by the [Holy] Spirit, combining and
interpreting spiritual truths with spiritual language [to those who possess the Holy Spirit]. But the natural, nonspiritual man does not accept or welcome or admit into his heart the gifts and teachings and revelations of the Spirit of God, for they are folly (meaningless nonsense) to him; and he is incapable of knowing them [of progressively recognizing, understanding, and becoming better acquainted with them] because they are spiritually discerned and estimated and appreciated. But the spiritual man tries all things [he examines, investigates, inquires into, questions, and discerns all things], yet is himself to be put on trial and judged by no one [he can read the meaning of everything, but no one can properly discern or appraise or get an insight into him]. For who has known or understood the mind (the counsels and purposes) of the Lord so as to guide and instruct Him and give Him knowledge? But we have the mind of Christ (the Messiah) and do hold the
thoughts (feelings and purposes) of His heart." (1 Corinthians 2:7-16 AMP)

Miracle. [Introduction]

Miracle. What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you read that word? Dramatic healing from cancer? Lazarus being raised from the dead? Prison doors being swung open in the middle of the night by the very army of the King of Kings? Time itself stopping and the sun staying put in the sky?

These are indeed incredible things. It's difficult to really think about them without having a large sense of awe overtake you. But how often are these types of miracles something we sub-consciously view as detached and foreign? Admit it. Most of us don't hear the word today and think of what our week has been like. But maybe we should.

God is unchanging, right? Most of us find this comforting. He Word tells us that He is the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow. In it's simplest form, this means that His character doesn't change. That's what is great. By studying His Word, we can see what He's like. We don't have to guess. We can KNOW Him. Do we realize how incredible this truth is?! I don't know about you, but most of the time, I don't.

My point is this: If God is unchanging, and if we look at His heart and character all throughout scripture, we see that one of the biggest themes starting in Genesis and actually escalating throughout the new testament is a heart to do HUGE things for His people. Straight up miracles. He actually DELIGHTS in being asked to do the impossible. He THRIVES on it. And so often I think we look at that as a mindset he had. Rather than one He HAS. This is one of those issues I believe Satan himself is working overtime to keep his hand in. If he can keep Christ's Bride from getting this, he keeps her from being 1/4 as effective and powerful and dangerous as she could be.

The truth is that God still very much delights in being asked to do the utter impossible. He loves to and does perform miracles every single day. And I'm learning that we haven't been told or taught enough to ask for, seek, and expect this as a normal part of our lives. In fact, there's only one solid teacher I've ever in my life heard speak on it. Who's ever told me to ask for, expect, and delight in my God doing the impossible on a consistent basis before my eyes. Dare I suggest the lack of addressing this be an issue of unbelief within the church today?

I'm so glad I listened to my Dear teacher. I believe this person has serious wisdom & insight straight form the Holy Spirit. Over 5 years ago, I heard for the first time through them someone tell me I could desire, ask for, expect, and delight in miracles as a way of life. I was hesitant. It went against the way I was raised to "do" Christianity. I had always believed God did miracles in the Bible. But that He doesn't work that way anymore. But I tried it. And it began a wilder string of events and miracles than I would ever have imagined. This is the beginning of one incredible testimony to how amazing He is. Stay tuned for chapter 1......

I was teaching a Zumba class yesterday. The girls were nervous about getting the steps right. I could see a few of them tense up. I realized it was because they were concentrating much too hard on each movement of each beat of each song.
So I told them. "You're makin it too complicated. Don't dissect it so much. Listen to the music. Move and flow with the music. It really is that easy. I know you think it's way more fancy or intricate. But it's not. If you listen, you can hear when the music changes. Your cue to move differently. That's all of it. Right there."

Jesus reminded me of that moment today. I was thinking about some of my friendships. Trying to sort out what feels like complicated and painful situations. I was disecting a re-accuring health issue and trying to find solutions & feeling hopeless. I was thinkin about the things I want to be doing this year with life: Moving into missions, theater, dance, blah blah blah. I was feeling overwhelmed and frustrated and beat up by everything. And then.....

"You're makin it too complicated. Don't dissect it so much. Listen to the music. Move and flow with the music. It really is that easy. I know you think it's way more fancy or intricate. But it's not. If you listen, you can hear when the music changes. Your cue to move differently. That's all of it. Right there."

It's simple. Believe God.
CHOOSE to love and forgive others. Always. And listen to the spirit. You don't need to over-complicate those things. Just do them. And breathe.

What matters.

2012 has most assuredly been one of the wildest years of my life.  A little over a year ago, I was on track for climbing the Starbucks and Zumba ladders. I was teaching 5 nights a week. I was losing weight. I was getting a name. And then I crashed. Physically. Sometimes God has to be a bit more extreme when we aren't listening.  I felt like my whole world was ripped from under my feet. I was angry and frustrated. But I see now why things had to happen the way they did. If I didn't crash, I wouldn't have had to slow down. If I didn't slow down, I wouldn't have realized one of the biggest truths I've ever seen.  The things I'm passionate about are GOOD. That may seem obvious to many, but it's news to me. My whole life, I've had a love of musical theater, of the arts, and of traveling and cultures. I've set these things aside for a very long time because I was taught that they are nice things, but that they are to be put aside so I can grow up and act like an adult. Find a carreer. Find stability. Save money. Grab at whatever will provide health insurance and retirement. And maybe someday, when I retire, I can enjoy some of those things I'm actually passionate about. Anyone else know this story?..... It's crap. That's what Jesus is teaching me. I'm realizing that the things I'm absolutely passionate about are there for a reason. He hard-wired them into me when He knitted me together in my mother's womb. And He did the same with you. What you love, that is not random. That's not by chance. It's with intricate intention. He wants each of use to flourish and function to our fullest. He wants HUGE things with us. And we can't do that unless we fully step into doing what we're passionate about. That's when we come alive. Call this common knowledge, but to me it's a revelation.  Hi. My name is Elisabeth. I LOVE musical theatre. I love painting. I desperately love and want to be a dancer. And I don't need to be ashamed of these things or shove them aside.  I'm turning 30 this year. It makes me really think HARD about my life, where it's going. What I'm doing. What I want. I'm getting serious about it. I've had this list hanging around for years. I think it's time to pull it back out. How about you? Are you working at living out your passions?  1.Become a heathy size 8 2.Write poetry/songs 3.Paint a mural 4.Study technical dance (Contemporary Ballet, Jazz) 5.Hang out with Beth Moore 6.Work in Musical Theatre 7.Sing with Wynonna Judd 8.Become an archer 9.Ride a horse 10.Begin my own ministry 11.Live in Africa. 12. Spend time in:      1.The Bayou       2.The South      3.Dubai      4.South America      5.India 13. Go to Disneyworld, DisneyParis, or EuroDisney