Wednesday, June 30, 2010

When I go to the Lord, am I asking Him for what I can get from Him, or am I asking for HIM?! I really, really don't want to be normal. I don't even want to be a normal Christian. Sorry if anyone takes offense to that. Wait. No. I'm not. I want to be exceptional. I want to be so full of Jesus that when people encounter me, they don't. I want to care only about WHO I am, never about WHAT I am. What people experience when they run across me should be my concern instead of what car, house, degree, job, status, and money I have. I want to be different. I want to join Beth in being a powerful display of Living Proof that Jesus works. Every time. The difference. Filled with the Spirit and only the Spirit. I want to push the limit of the power and authority Jesus has already given me. Even if it makes me wierd. Jesus. Just Jesus. I want HIM. I want to fall madly in love with HIM. That is all:•}

Monday, June 28, 2010

Taking it back.

Let's see if the things in my head make it out in a sensible way....
Here's what I learning from Beth. The things that make up your life experience-particularly the painful or negative things- are according to scripture part of the "land" you've been given. There are unique things to each individual, and God has given each person that unique life and set up so that they can be fit for and understand and relate to people in whatever area they are called. There's no coincidence and accident to the painful parts of life. In fact, they may just be the least "accidental." that being said, we often struggle heavily under these painful experiences of our past; whether they be illness, addiction, abuse, failure. There is significant scripture that argues the struggle and pain behind it being so large because, well, let's face it, if things were easy to forget we'd be less likely to glean wisdom and understanding that may help someone in the future. I'm seeing that the most effective people out there usually get that. So, what happens when an old issue, pain, or situation is still haunting you and beginning to take up too much of you and your energy? Ahhh. That's the most signifiant part of what I'm learning. When I feel like something is going to eat me alive, I've learned that despite the common mindset of thus bring "normal", it is actually the enemy. As God's children, we don't have to live under pain like that. We can, and need to, go back to the thing-whatever it is-and stand on it firmly. And tell the enemy to move. It's not his ground. It's OURS. We need to take it back. We need to work through whatever needs working through until the shame and guilt associated with that pain is not on top of us. No believer should ever settle for, "well, under the circumstances.....". We have every power and authority to be on TOP of the circumstances. To stand firmly and without shame on whatever our past holds, boldly proclaiming that it is who we are and what we are dealing with, and God will use it to glorify Him and His Kingdom. No doubts.

Thank you Beth, for this. I still have a long way to go.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Thirteen Years

Thirteen years ago today, I was sitting on a log in Mount Hermon and my entire life changed drastically for good. I realized and accepted the fact that when Jesus Christ died on that cross, He had ME on His mind. And a lightswitch turned on in me. I was flooded with truth and life. I understood for the very first time that the God of the Universe CARES about me and my hurts. That was Earth-shattering. I began what has been the most incredible, amazing, and wild ride of my life. He has taken a messed-up and extremely confused little girl and pulled me out of more pits than I can count. He has filled me to overflowing with His Spirit and shown me miracle after miracle. I've watched the impossible happen before my very eyes on numerous occasions. I just continue to fall more and more in live with Him.

The interesting part of today being my spiritual birthday is the fact that so much happens to be changing right now. It reminds me of this day in 1997. I embarked on a crazy journey with no idea where it would lead. And that is today happening again. Almost every aspect if my life is changing right before my eyes. And that's difficult for me. It hurts. A lot of the changes make me look like a loser or failure or unsuccessful compared to many people my age. (And even younger.) I get embarrassed to mention them. I feel I've failed and have to hide certain things going on with me. As I was taking all of this into consideration, the Lord gently reminded me of something precious and sweet that I have learned to be true along the way in the last 13 years. He's taught me that my feelings don't dictate who I am. His opinion of me never changes. And even though Im in the middle of some tough situations, and I FEEL down and a bit depressed and like a loser, I'm still everything I always was and will be in the Kingdom. I love the fact that I can't lose or change my inheritance. I'm a daughter of the King. No matter WHAT happens here, I can't lose my standing. Ephesians 1 says I'm blessed, chosen, adopted, accepted, redeemed, forgiven, and sealed in love. Whether I feel it or even LIKE it. Once a King or Queen of Narnia, always a King or Queen. No matter what. That whole Narnian concept of the kids not feeling quite at home unless they're in their rightful places in Narnia is not just a story. It's me. It's us. It's REAL. Now THAT is awesome.