Saturday, April 23, 2016

Factory Defects

Sometimes in life, you can find yourself in a weird pit. Living in a haze or a fog and not realizing it. 
I have had several challenging circumstances happen all at once and they culminated to become a fog over my head for a few months. But I didn't notice. Until last weekend. 
Last weekend, something kind of cool happened. 
I was driving to work at 4:30 in the morning. Yeah. That happens almost daily. 
It was a still, quiet morning. Because it had been raining all night it was clear and the moon and stars danced quite vividly before my half-opened eyes. And suddenly, something seemed different. I thought to myself, "Why is everything so clear all of a sudden? What's going on? It all looks strange!" After a minute I realized with a chuckle that everything appeared very different today because of the car. You see, I received an upgraded car recently. It is in beautiful condition. And I love it dearly. The windows are all completely perfect. This is a big deal because the 1998 Nissan I've driven for YEARS has a factory defect in the glass. The entire front windshield is filled with little bubbles in the glass itself. Not really any big deal. That car and I have spent years together and I couldn't tell you the last time I even noticed those bubbles. Until I was driving something so much better. Until I was in the middle of looking through different glass and seeing the world through a new lens. As I chuckled about this that early morning, my brain woke up and almost instantly I knew there was more to this. I felt in my spirit that this was deeper than this moment. And as I stopped at a red light, I simply said, "Lord, what is all this really about?" I sat there, waiting for an answer. And it came. All at once. I instinctively knew that this was about where I was in life. And a picture of how we get so used to the things we're in and doing without even noticing when they aren't as they should be. Just like I would view the entire world around me through a windshield that was filled with defects, I have been living, sitting, hiding, and remaining in multiple situations and attitudes that are not healthy. Because I was used to it. Because it had been going on consistently and so I ceased to notice it was even present. And because realizing it and making changes means work and not fun things sometimes. But that's not a reason to stay put. Wouldn't anybody rather be viewing the world through a windshield that is functioning as it's supposed to? Isn't that what God wants for our lives, too? Yes, yes it is. 

My windshield is my mind and my body. And it's been viewing the world for a while through glass that is filled with defects. I'm a bit broken. I have been walking around in depression and total bunk about myself and my life in my head. I didn't realize that after I returned from Africa, this started and continued to grow. I didn't stop to clearly see that I've been living in the middle of a few unhealthy and abusive situations and that caused my mind be in quite a messy state. And I didn't notice as it became the normal thing for me. I ceased believing truth. And I ceased to even try. I was just dry. Until the windshield woke me up. And the world began getting beautiful again. It began having more color. More alive-ness. The last few weeks have been a process. Recognizing all the areas in which I've viewed things through the defected window. Wanting to see everything through the new "perfect" window. And having to face and take action to stand up against the things that try to force me into that old car again. Being bold. Being open about it. Seeking and asking for the assistance to make it happen. Saying "no" when it gets you backlash. And putting up all the boundaries. But it's worth it. Let me tell you, the view is so beautiful out there. Don't allow yourself to get swallowed up. Don't allow an old defect to hinder the view. Because those stars are beautiful when you see them clearly.