Sunday, April 24, 2011

The desire for defeat

Here's one you don't hear every day. Try this on for size:
I say it is likely that we desire defeat in our lives. Yes, you heard me correctly!  Right about now you're probably thinking I'm nuts. You're mostly right:)  

I believe it's possible that the enemy has us so wrapped up & confused that we begin to desire a life that is living in defeat of the way God longs to see us live. 

For example, I spent the last several years living In a significant amount of victory over many areas of sin and generational curses that through a lot of hard, long, painful work the Lord & I overcame. I have lived happy about this and with a feeling of accomplishment & confidence that I'm strong spiritually. But you see, a confidence that develops out of contentment of status is never a good thing. Before we have a chance to catch it, pride rears it's big ugly head and shows up on our doorstep. And if we are sittin pretty in our confidence that we aren't living in sin anymore, it doesn't ring the doorbell. It walks right in and makes itself at home.   

Lately, I've been becoming keenly aware that I've been pretty stagnant in my spiritual life. I used to have to actively do all manner of things on a daily basis to make it a day without returning to that addictive behavior. And somewhere along the line I stopped. I stopped memorization of scripture. I stopped repeating & praying it aloud; again, and again, and again......
I stopped beginning each day on my face and admitting I'd get nowhere without the Holy Spirit filling me up. I stopped asking for gigantic miracles every day & praising Him in advance for what He was going to do. I stopped asking for accountability.  I figured I didn't need to work hard to find it. I hadn't been living in that sin behavior anymore.  And then, I saw it. 

I saw me. A normal, basic, everyday person. I realized one day that I look & talk & think exactly as my co-workers do. In defeat. In un-belief. Not un-belief IN God. But OF God, who He is, Who I am in Him. I was beginning to speak in a way that consisted of hopelessness. I began to function as the rest of the world. This may not seem so bad. But you see, once you realize the power of Jesus Christ, once you experience it, once it drastically changes you, heals you, redeems you from the pit and gives you a new name, the last thing you should look like is normal. Is like everyone else. And the fact that we so often do is in itself defeat. Defeat from living and acting in the freedom & power & potential that you have in Him.  My heart has been hurt recently. And the enemy has put me into a place if isolation-He's been working very hard to strip me of my power & wear me down in every way possible.  And  I've been living in it. I've just accepted that the things that hurt and even really damage me are not able to change-this is how it is. And truthfully, I have absolutely no reason for my life to look like this. I can-and should-be fighting on my knees and face over the things that have been happening to me. But the enemy is large. And real. And he wants me to think that just because most other believers around me aren't extreme, I shouldn't be either. But if I look at most other believers around me, I see someone who looks pretty normal. Just like me. And then He whispers in my ear & tells me I need to be different. Be extreme. Fight with whatever means necessary to live with the power I have a right to. So I'll be extreme. I'll be way more weird than even most Christians. Is that so bad? I don't WANT to be like most. I want to be victorious and full of joy and victory. So, I am gonna fight. I'm gonna do whatever crazy things I have to in order to give up these last few addictions that I'm struggling with. I'm gonna care enough about the relationship that's hurting my heart to get on my face and fight for it or for peace to let it go. I'm not just going to go the extra mile to be radically different. I'll go as far as it takes. And if it's alone, so be it. I'm done being stagnant just because I feel I i have noone In my life who takes time to see it all. Don't let anything or anyone cause you to desire defeat from the unlimited power you have in the name of normalcy or fitting in. Take it from me- it's not at all worth it.

 Jesus, do your thang and be HUGE today. 

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