Saturday, January 30, 2010

Nuggests that need to be put together

So, a few things that don't exactly all go together. Yet.

First being the truth that if we are honest with ourself, God, and others, we will many times have to admit that we are not being fully filled and satisfied by Jesus alone. This is hard. No one WANTS to admit this! Our human nature moves towards others or even things to fill the empty pockets we often experience.

To play the flipside of that coin, we can also become so afraid of being un-healthy and depending on the body too much that we put up walls of shelter, forcing others out and forcing ourselves to only depend on God for every inch of the filling and healing process. (And what are shelters when WE build them? Strongholds!)In reality, God uses the body hugely in the process of healing and learning and growing.

I've been both places. I still bounce between those two places. They are closer than one might think! It is difficult to walk the line here. Anyone out there picking up what I'm throwing down?

The art I am learning is to be raw and open and vocal and honest before the Lord. I ask Him to make me aware of the moments I feel a void. (You gotta break it down into simple steps or you'll bypass something simple and fall into a pit.)This is hard. I mean, honestly, who in the world ASKS to know when they're hurting sub-consciously? This. is. not. fun.

Once I know what I'm lacking, I have to automatically cry out and talk to the Lord about it. That can be hard. Sometimes I love to, I delight in it. Other times I have to talk to Him despite maybe not FEELING like it. Unless we lay our emptiness-no matter how small-at His feet, asking to be filled, we are setting ourself up for disaster! The place I so often trip up is feeling like the emptiness is small and will pass and I need to suck it up and toughen up and just distract myself for awhile. I have built walls with this. I admit it. I keep others out. I am very afraid of depending on others too much. I've done it too often in the past and I don't trust myself anymore. It' hard to get over these types of habits. I need to learn to trust myself. I need to learn to let people in and be honest about how I'm doing. Last night, I was going before the Lord with a moment of loneliness. I was thinking that if I talked with Him long enough-or distracted myself long enough-it would pass. But He kindly told me to be more humble. To tear a brick off the tough exterior I try so hard to maintain. So I did. I asked a friend to text with me for a while. Told her I was lonely and needed human contact. It was nice. I think more than anything, it was the act of humbling myself and stating that that God wanted. I'm learning. Slowly. But learning.

What about you? My desire isn't just to talk about myself. Anyone out there resonate with anything I said? And what are you going to do about it?! Take an action step today!


Macaroo42 said...

Good word, girl. Glad I could be there that little bit.

BeckyLove said...

God is continually reminding me of His use of the body in my life. for this I am SO thankful!