Saturday, January 9, 2010

Continuing to break free...

So, yesterday I was overly exhausted, for whatever reason. (I'm blaming it on Mr. Short Shorts. See my other blog.) I went home from work, warmed up my Smart Ones dinner, and settled in for Season 4 of House on DVD. And it hit. I suddenly could think of nothing other than two things I really wanted to do that I shouldn't. One of those things being to eat. As silly as that sounds, it is truly amazing how much it takes over when I'm bored or needing regulating. And recently I realized how much I want to eat when I'm trying not to take part in other sinful activities. It helps calm me down and distract me. And thus, last night was SO difficult because I was a.) trying with everything in me not to act out sin I wanted to succumb to, and b.)trying not to overeat. This is a seemingly impossible combination. And I did not see any way in which I would succeed. I had never yet at this point succeeded in refraining from sinful action when I wanted it at this large of a level. So, in desperation, I cried "Help" out loud to Jesus, and tried so hard to concentrate on House........"Not gonna make it. Not gonna make it. Gonna fail. Gonna fail. What else can I do to distract myself?" Then, the answer came. Tell someone! Then at least I'll know I may have to answer to someone later if they ask how I did. That makes me want to succeed so much more. So, I grabbed the phone and texted. That help a lot. And then it didn't seem to be working again. I had never wanted to sin so badly. Why does the pull always seem stronger when I'm trying not to do it? THAT'S when it hit me. Of COURSE it's stronger after I've committed not to do it. That is precisely what the enemy WANTS! Well, two can play at that game! Forget it. I'm above you uncreative, un-intelligent demons! You're getting less and less attractive. So, House goes off. And Richard Simmons goes on. Dance until I'm too tired to think about doing anything at all-good or bad-and crash. That worked. I made it through the night! I was happy about that. Until I woke up this morning and couldn't stop thinking about wanting to sin. Again. This is not good. And it's exhausting. But what else CAN I do? Sweatin to the Oldies. Again. Good thing I have 4 different ones to keep me going. At this rate, maybe Skinny Liz will show up sooner than I thought. Hey, whatever it takes! I am just extremely glad I can say Believing God to get you through REALLY works! I banked everything on Him, I cried out to Him, I went with what He was telling me to do, and I was actually able to overcome whatever was set in front of me. Believing God and Breaking Free. One day at a time!!!

1 comment:

BeckyLove said...

Wow and good job! Thanks again for your success. It inspires my own obedience! Blessings.