Even and sometimes especially in ministry.
And I think we all experience this. Some more often than others.
Feeling these things isn't a sin. Not at all. It's what we do with it that matters.
I got so tired I began throwing a fit. Sorry if that's too much for some of you to handle. I'm just being real here. And really? I'm a mess. We're all a mess. I began kicking and screaming. I spent at minimum several years telling the Lord I didn't want to feel that way. And I didn't want to change who I am. I wanted to be able to be fully me and not ashamed. Not too much, too loud, too big. And not feeling as if I'm falling short, either. I don't know that I've ever been in a situation in life in which I felt comfortable to be fully me before. Something always makes me feel I have to rein it in or strive to be better or more.
And then. (Oh, how I love a good "and then." You know what I mean?)
And THEN I found Elijah Rising.
I get to work in a building that was a brothel last year.
I get to help with van tours that educate our city about trafficking.
I get to assist in the organization of what we believe is the first trafficking museum.
And I get to be me. Here, they would never feel as if I am not enough or coming up short.
And being too big or having too much muchness? Not a possibility.
I wish I had time to tell you everything about this place and this internship.
But for now I'll just share what they've been teaching me.....
You are not too much. No-you're not.
You are enough.
Jesus designed you with the gifts and the personality you have. The last thing they are is a mistake. Too often we feel we have to tame ourselves to avoid making others uncomfortable. To be normal. To fit.
Listen: Would He hand design you with a personality that'd need to be tamed? No. He doesn't make mistakes. It's society that makes us feel the need to pull back from flowing in the fullness of how much we are. Jesus wants us to move freely in our muchness. He intended on it when He made you.
We aren't ultimately made to be what the rest of the world has become. Therefore, if we are all we are designed to be, we will look weird to the world. We will make others uncomfortable sometimes. But that's okay. Do you think deep down they're looking for the same thing they see everywhere else? Or perhaps, just maybe, they are looking for exactly the difference you have.
What would happen if we refused to be put into a box? If we all realized that whatever we've been doing hasn't been working and we took that step forward? If we were willing to throw up our hands and completely let go of our ideas and plans of who we are supposed to be? If we stopped worrying over what our friends will think and allow the Holy Spirit free rein? Yikes. Did I just say that?! Did I just talk about the thing we all skirt around? Yep. I went there.
Guys. The Holy Spirit real. He's so powerful that Jesus said once we had Him we'd do even greater things than He did. Y'all- GREATER THINGS THAN JESUS?! I'm not making this stuff up. He has gifts for each person. It doesn't need to be an argument. It's in scripture. Let's just let Him at us already. Don't you think He's worthy of letting go of everything and just saying "Spirit, come!"Let's allow Him room to make us who He wants with whatever the heck gifts He so chooses. As long as we realize we can literally heal disease and move mountains with our words and our fingers. Let's cease being afraid of Him and be excited about having these abilities instead. Let's stop making excuses and become the person we're meant to be. Bold. Powerful. Undaunted. Not like this broken world. But like some Kings and Queens who know in the future they'll rein over this earth. And in the meantime, get to rein with their King over the powers of evil that are roaming so heavily over it. Kicking them out. Tearing them apart. In the business of redemption of all things. Because they can. And with that power, have decided not to go back to settling for less.
This is Him calling you. Step away from whatever that reason is that keeps you from the big huge dreams you once had about changing the world. That reason? Whatever it is, it's a toxic poison. Turn. Walk the other direction. Be brave. Be big. Understand the totality of who you are in Christ. Let the Holy Spirit have full rein. And go start shaking the Earth with His power. There's a reason you always dreamed those huge plans to be a world-changer. Before adulthood drowned out the voice, you knew you could. That hasn't changed. Arise and go.