Good mess.

It happened. We all experience it-times of "losing our footing" for a season. Falling back into one pit or another. Waking up one day to suddenly realize you're back in defeat in some area or another. Not completely sure how you ended up there again. Maybe you tripped and fell. Maybe someone shoved you. Or maybe you just happened to take too many baby steps the wrong direction.

I recently found myself on the deep, dark floor of a few pits that I had not anticipated falling back into. But I had. As the Lord lovingly lifted me out and got my feet set on firm ground again, I became agitated. At myself for allowing the occurrence. At Him- because I didn't understand why He didn't stop me from going back down. Whyever would He allow this? I didn't get it.

And today something occurred to me. In a quick moment a flash of insight:
If I don't have seasons of being in some form of darkness, I will not appreciate the rescuer and life in the light. I used to think once I "got healthy" I would stay in some state of continual, glowy healthy bliss. BUT- If everything stayed wonderful all the time, I wouldn't be sitting here tonight in speechless awe of Him. His grace and mercy. His tenderness. The ferociousness and audacity with which He runs hard after me, pursues me, and doesn't give up on me. If I hadn't spent years in pits of various forms, I wouldn't be able to say that I am a flat-out miracle, the impossible in the flesh before your very eyes. And I wouldn't be able to claim my King literally rode in on His chariot and rescued me. I wouldn't be head over heals in love with Him and healthy and undauntedly pursuing a future in rescuing others.
The years of being an utter crazy mess is what makes Him so beautiful to me. It's what proves His power, ability, and love. Nothing you ever go through is wasted. It is ALL meant for your future.

"You cannot amputate your history from your destiny, because THAT is redemption" -Beth Moore

Bring on the falls. The mess-ups.
I don't want them, but when they happen, they display Him ever more beautifully.