Monday, August 6, 2012


I'm feeling particularly blunt this evening. The truth is, I struggle deeply with self image and comparison. Oh, I hate that I have to admit that. But it's true. Maybe it's upbringing. Maybe it's having gone through cosmetology school. Or T.V. Or magazines. Or jumping into the fitness world. I think it's all the above. Whatever causes it, at times it tries to eat me alive. And I admit that a large amount of the time I just about let it.

I could go into all the detail of what I've been painfully fighting with in this area. But I think I can make my point without doing, I experienced something that was a wonderful reality check for me. I saw an example of how a group of people I am usually envious of and desire approval from spend their every waking moment and ounce of energy on living for the next big event. Some of them were online talking about next year a day after arriving home from THIS year's
Shindig. As I noticed this, a very real truth stuck out to me. I could allow myself to jump back into that 100%. In fact, part of me desperately wants to be more a part again of this group of friends and all they do. However, I know my calling. My purpose. And it's not the same thing. It's not of that world. Rather than be upset over not being as "wanted" by this circle as I'd like, there's a goal to delight in. An eternal one. I don't totally have peace yet with myself as I am. Apart from the title I once had. But seeing the focus and obsession of others over something that will eventually fade tells me to stay on this path. Even-and maybe ESPECIALLY- when it's uncomfortable and uncertain and makes me give up something I think I want so badly. The truth is, in the long run, wanting to be where HE is is all that will matter and last.

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