I feel as if a lot of people think they know what I should be doing. It's hard to keep a level head when so much comes at you. Get into this field. No-THIS is more important. Go to school. Don't waste your time. Apply here. Apply there. Contact THIS person. My whole life, ive been told what I'm going to do & then was promptly enrolled. I got so used to it. Now, I've realized that I'm paralyzed by the fear of making a wrong decision or failing. This weekend a good friend made a comment about some of the things I do and some of the way I am and I fell apart. I was devastated at the thought that she disapproves of something in me or my life. I don't think it's good I felt like that. I'm not very capable of simply making my mind up or knowing what it is I most WANT to do. I'm attempting to change that-right now. Today. I am going to strive to make the decisions I believe the Lord okays and that I want to make. I need to be my own person. I WILL end up making decisions that others extremely dear to my heart may disapprove of or that they absolutely wouldn't make if they were in my exact shoes. I need to realize that and that it's okay. We're all unique. I keep thinking "what would so-and-so do here?" and I tend to move toward THAT action. This is ludicrous! Why am I doing that? I am me. There is nobody else like me. I'm weird. I'm my own person. The King knit me together to be exactly as I am. And as a result, I need to fully BE who I am. Without apology and shame of any sort. This is so foreign to me. It will take a very large amount of work. So I'm starting.....now.
*Jesus-show me who I truly am and teach me how to fully be that person.