Monday, January 23, 2012

God is so much more interested in the person we are and are becoming than the actual thing we are doing. This is a huge deal. And something I have utterly forgotten. 

Anyone else out there have an extremely difficult time with this? I don't know if it's normal to struggle with this at this large of an extent. Or if it's just the recipe of me+human-ness+my upbringing+the enemy. Whatever the reason, I continually fall into a pit of total striving and working and trying to be better and get further. But somewhere along the way I've lost focus. At least the kind of focus I once experienced. 

I remember a season in which I moved and breathed in tune with the Spirit. I was listening to his heart and walking in the wind of His movement- each day an adventure of Divine appointments and insight and seeing His movement in everything. And that was the goal. The priority. Then I let Starbucks happen. I don't want to BLAME Starbucks. After all, I control my choices and my days. And I chose to let my days be controlled by work for the last year and a half. I have realized this on several occasions but haven't changed much.

it's a dark environment and a mission field if there ever was one. There is an incredibly massive desperation for hope and the Jesus that offers it in droves. But I've let work take over. I stopped listening & watching closely for the ways in which Aslan is on the move. I quit trying to develop any artistic side I have because I work so much. And I stopped having meaty spiritual conversations because "everyone's just too busy." Ugh. There is so much more to life and I need to focus. On what matters. Kingdom. People. People colliding with the reality of The Kingdom. Kicking demonic butt. NOT working more. NOT fighting and scratching my way to the top just for a few more dollars to make it easier to pay the rent. I've already been missing things at church because I'm afraid to ask for it off and lose hours. I need this mindset to change. I need to re-wire my entire way of thinking towards my time. I've reverted to an unhealthy path. This is me confessing it and declaring war on normal Americanized Christian living. Let the battle begin. (I already know who wins.)

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