Monday, May 30, 2011

Sweet conversations.

"UGH!" I screamed and cried bitterly as loud as I could. "I'm done! Finished with this. You hear that!?!?" I stopped to cough because I was yelling so loud it hurt my throat. I took another deep shaky breath- the kind of breath you take when you've bawled your eyes out for hours and your whole body shutters just to breathe. "I've been asking and asking and working for years to find this. Why wouldn't you want it? That's it. I give up. Completely. Totally. G-I-V-E U-P. Forget it." I secretly believed He didn't care enough about my need, and possibly me, to meet it. I was hurt. Confused. Not understanding why it was so difficult for the King of the Universe to provide for this particular need. It seemed like something that would be no big deal to Him. But no matter how I asked or how I sought an answer out, after several years the answer stayed the same: silence. So I made a decision to give up.

Then, a few weeks later, from the least expected place, BAM!!! It was just there this morning. Handed to me. I could hardly believe He was answering what I'd completely given up on. I didn't know how to respond except to sing praises.

And in one small quiet moment, I heard Him whisper, "Darling, go ahead. Ask." I blushed as I realized afresh how well He knows my most intimate thoughts & emotions. And I did ask the question that had been sitting on my mind all day: "Why did you wait until I gave up on it (and on you) before answering?" and I heard Him answer just as clear as anything, "Darling, because I wanted to show you that I haven't given up on it long after you have, and I will NEVER give up on you."

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