You ever have a conviction about something grow so strongly within you that u wish you could be allowed to force everybody to be tied down until they hear what u have to say and have their lives dramatically affected like yours has been by whatever the subject or issue? Well, this happens to me. It's frustrating. And while I can't force everyone to listen, I can pray the right people read this.
This is a continuation of a note I posted about a week ago. In it I talked about Paul convicting me in the way of being Jesus in this world. That subject has not ceased to bother me. And I've been contemplating it for a while. Here's a nutshell of my conclusion......
I act as if I will live for years to come. I put off so much because I think, "someday, I'll...". I'll what? Stop ignoring the problem with that relationship? Help more people? Go on more missions trips? Tell people what I keep saying I'll wait to say someday? Give away possessions I don't need that someone else does? All good things. All of which need to happen. And how do I really know I'll have the time
and be given the chance to do any of these things later? Maybe I'll get in a car accident tomorrow. Maybe I'll die of cancer 2 years from now. Maybe that brother or sister in Jesus needs to learn something from the things I not saying. Maybe children are dying who I could be helping. Maybe widows could be living in grace and redemption this year, but will be dead in 10. I can't, don't want to, and don't have a right to live this coosh life. I don't CARE if it's more comfortable having my own recliner, air conditioner, and all the Glee, Bones, and House I can stand taped on my DVR. I used to care. So much. But something is changing.
Now that I'm at Starbucks, I'm surprised at what the Lord is doing within me. I usually slip into a comfortable complacency when working in such an environment. Like, I get used to the way my co-workers live and like it when it rubs off on me. I typically compare myself to them to feel good about what I do. And this time......not so much. Rather than slip into what I wanted and was TRYING to find comfort in, I have found myself totally saddened by the lost and miserable state my co-workers are unknowingly in. I feel a burden for them to know the Lord. I come home from work being disgusted with myself and my country for being self-centered and only wanting wanting wanting. The more I go without DOING something, the more convicted I become. This world desperately needs to hear about the redemption of Jesus Christ. Most people living in this world need help to survive. And I have no right and little desire to sit back and do nothing about that. I HAVE to help people discover victory, grace, and redemption. I am compelled. Don't ask me how. I don't know yet. But I'm trying to figure it out. Soon. My life is too short. I don't want ANY of it wasted. I want to make a difference. To BE the difference. I'm not backing down. Im crazy. I'm intense. I'm extreme. I'm okay with that.