Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Unexpected Meeting.



Oh, the ways in which the Lord answers our feeble cries for help! I was SO down in the dumps yesterday. Exhausted, defeated, angry with myself, afraid, and a failure. I remember Sunday night, crying myself to sleep and being too weak to say much, but mumbling, "I want freedom Jesus. Help me. I can't do this. You need to." I had no idea He'd answer so quickly, and it what way.....
I found out yesterday that while I am hosting the old Breaking Free with my co-workers at work, there is a new and revised version. I had read somewhere that this was being done, but didn't know that a.) it was finished, and b.)Big Valley was doing it. Still, how different could it be, apart from Beth's hair being a little smaller this time around? As I considered attending, I thought about how busy it would make me. I'd almost decided not to go, when a friend texted me asking if I was coming. So I decided to give it a shot. A night with Beth? Can't really turn out badly.......
And BAM!!! I am STILL trying to catch my breath. It left me somewhere between Beth talking about cycles we just can't break free from, and the feeling of failure being bondage. I was completely knocked off my feet. God used Beth to reach down and grab my heartstrings, and I wonder if He'll ever give any slack to that tight grip. I'm sure other women feel this way sometimes, but I was beginning to wonder whether someone has been following me around with a video camera. Could it be any more me? It was like going into the doctor because of a little cold, and being told you have cancer flooding your body, and that u have to go into surgery NOW or you will die. Last night, He made the first incision and began to scrape out the ugly cancer that has so thickly infiltrated my whole being. I am a little scared of the rest of the process, since this much happened in one night. But at the same time, I know that in the hands of the God who loves me, I have nothing to fear. (Except NOT getting free.) Oh, Beth. I don't feel ready for this. But here.........we.........go!!!!................

1 comment:

Macaroo42 said...

Booyah, babe. There she goes! Look at her, a-glowing and a-fire with that sure victory light in her eyes! Gonna be awesome. IS awesome.

Also, love the new layout.