Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Que todas las materias.

How about a whole lot of things just being thrown out there and trusting it all matters and is important without having to understand how?

I'm loving Houston. The large city is beautiful in many unique ways and there's just so much to do, choose from, serve in. I love that I work for an organization and people who love Jesus and that our focus is the serve Him every day by serving the city.

I'm missing people from home. It's a very strange thing to be in a place where you aren't running into people every time you go to Target. I keep having to remind myself not to expect a familiar face. 

I've been learning humility and vulnerability. I'm horrid at it. And lately have been forced to practice it-only to be overwhelmed with love and grace. 

I've been honored to attend things like Passion and Tuesday Night study with Beth, among other wonderful churches and events. In a huge way, this is all redeeming some very lost years and experiences. 

I've been learning. Learning a lot. Learning that the first thing we learn about the spirit of God is that He moves. Always moving. As are we. We don't stay still. We either spiral upward or downward. It's just a matter of what subtle turn we're making in any particular moment. I'm learning that God has already seated me in position next to Jesus. And when do people sit? When it's all over and done. We strive too much to earn the position we've already been given. I'm learning about faith and what it means and what it can do. How far it can go. Where you can go and what you can do with it.

The area we live in is Hispanic, and therefore the community center I work at is filled with people who do not speak English. This has been an incredible challenge. I am pulling out everything I can remember from school and straining daily to improve as much as possible. If there's one thing I've learned it's that book smarts and former knowledge leave you if not practiced!

Teaching Zumba again has been a wild ride. My classes are a very decent size and they're loving it. Also, just to be totally real, I am really struggling with weight and stamina. I've gained in the last 9 months or so and am having a hard time teaching with the extra weight as well as struggle with feeling good in my skin. My confidence and views of myself are in a battle. I don't want to get SKINNY. I want to win the fight with weight that has tried to control me my whole life. I want to see it stomped on for good. There's a big difference there. 

Even though we still have time left in the apprenticeship, we are being encouraged to begin looking at what the future may hold. This is hard for me. Come August I will need to move on. I'm wrestling with several passions and what to do. I love CSM & could apply for positions around the U.S. I am extremely passionate about the issue of Human Trafficking and would  LOVE to work full-time to end it. I'm just crazy enough that I may walk straight toward this in the fall and not look back. I am always extremely passionate about theatre and art and desperately long to be involved in helping kids express and learn through it. And there's a large part of my heart and mind that are very, very much sitting in Africa. My spirit is often there. More than I admit. (This morning I was walking to work & heard some of the same birds that were in the trees outside our house in Kenya. We would wake up to the sound of them through our open windows in the mornings.) A very large part of me wants to just go. Move to Africa. Still. That's never changed. And yet.......I want my man. My companion. My partner. I want to be a wife and a mommy so badly it aches. 

I want to hon and cultivate skills I have been given but haven't had time to develop. Art. Drawing. Music. Painting. Spoken word. Writing. Poetry. So many things! Oh, how to do all of this! 

At the end of the day, Jesus is continually healing, redeeming, teaching, growing, and blowing my mind completely with Himself. He's always up to all this. We just need to be looking. 

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