You know when You begin to realize new things? When you suddenly learn something world-altering? When you experience that rush of new breath or hope and suddenly want to propel forward in it as quickly as possible? Or when you see something in yourself that needs work. Almost the exact same moment you see it, you desire to run at full force toward a solution of some kind.
But what if God has a completely different view on things?
At this point in my life, I'm not proficient in many forms of art. I have a very artistic brain and nature, but haven't learned to speak the language yet. I tried on multiple occasions. I bought supplies and set out to master painting. Or drawing. Gritting my teeth and spending days determined to walk away having successfully figured things out.
I've also experienced several "awakenings" in which my eyes were opened drastically and suddenly to myself. To my ugliness. At one point to my craziness. Unhealthy behavior in every way. And immediately, I surged straight forward with every single fiber of my being,
absolutely focused and set on fixing it. now.
In both of these, I fell flat on my face. Hard. Had the wind knocked out of me for quite a while. Left so exhausted that I actually got sick from it. And got up frustrated and agitated and instantly began running again. Sometimes it takes me a while to get things through my stubborn head.
I have always strongly fought bull-headed and stubbornly against "the process." I've always butted against taking time to learn, experience, heal, train, know things. I think in a way almost everybody does. I think in our nature, we don't like the thought of a slow process to "get there". I always want nothing more than to just figure it out so I can get to work accomplishing "it".
My friend Jessie has given me a new perspective. Well, she's tried several times. And I didn't listen.
But perhaps studying Advent has helped me to grasp this at last.....
Jesus actually delights in "process". He likes to watch every step of it. If we're open, if our eyes are looking, we can see that He loves it because it allows Him to walk alongside us in every step of the process. And He delights in the intimacy that can result from that. Because He delights in His kids and hanging out with them. And perhaps that's exactly why things take time.
If I saw unhealthiness in myself and was able to work it out in a day, I would miss the ways I learned who He is and experienced Him through the 5 years it took.
If I learned how to draw this weekend, I would miss the opportunity to sit with a pencil and Him and ask Him to begin showing me His artistic side as I begin the journey into learning.
If we let go of trying to be so put together and embrace the process-whatever that may be in this season for each of us-we can potentially be extremely and pleasantly romanced and delighted in by our King.
And that's worth all the time in the world.