Tuesday, July 30, 2013

I refuse.

My heart is about to explode. 

 I see it everywhere. I cannot turn to the left or right without it in my face. Every time I check out at a grocery store. Every T.V. Show from the 80s on. Every picture of every singer or actor. Every movie. Every advertisement. Even every fiction book that's written today. An obsession with weight and the "American Dream". It is so subtle and so infiltrated into everything we see and do that we don't even realize we're completely living in bondage to it. Go ahead and call me extreme right now. But keep reading, because I'm about to prove it......

I've gained weight lately. It's no secret. I may as well say it. It's not as if you won't notice by looking at me. Why is it that somewhere deep down, I feel ashamed of this? Why do I sub-consciously try to hide it?.......

A lot of people are asking me about my trip to Africa. If I'm going long-term. And if not, what my plans are. I realized the other day that when I respond, it's with very well-worded and cleverly thought-out "Christianese" answers. What I know will sound good and mature and impressive. Heaven forbid I should be anything but totally put together. 

Do you see it? Do you see the bondage here? I'm using myself as an example to prove that most of us are caught in it whether we think so or not. We are living as every other Amercian is. You may wonder, what's wrong with that? Why am I always speaking against living as a typical American? Why is this so horrible?

Look around you. How is Amercia doing?Are her citizens thriving? Filled with joy? Flourishing? Healthy? Victorious? Or are they busy? worried? striving? Running? Often getting sick? stressed out? being controlled by fear: Fear of failing? Not being good enough? Not being successful enough? Not having a title like everyone else? Not HAVING as everyone else does? Not looking the same? Are their lives filled with empty striving?.....

Just seeing how everyone else is living makes me not want it. We are miserable, hopeless, often ill, hating ourselves, obsessed with our sizes, and living in endless cycles of striving. This is absolutely anything but the way things are intended to be. This is NOT the way God intends His heirs to live. 

I refuse. I refuse to be like the 65 year old woman with flat-ironed hair and blush and lipstick in abundance just to be on that treadmill next to me every day. I refuse to count every single calorie that I put into my mouth anymore. And I apologize for the endless posts while obsessing over "fitness", which was actually living and breathing "skinny" and nothing short of bondage. 

I refuse to create some grandiose plan to sound great or put together when people ask me what the next step is for my life is. I'm done pretending. I'm done trying to appease those in my life who seem to think I need to have a plan. I'm done bending my back to our society who says I'm crazy for not having everything layed out. 

God's word says we are to love Him & know Him more. That's it. Period. I think there's reasons it simply commands this and nothing more:

1.) The more you know who He is and His heart, the more freed up you become of anxiety, worry, stress, comparison and self-rejection. Which, BTW, could arguably be the very deep and underlying cause of almost any known health issue. Yes. I went there. Yes. Knowing who God is more may result in better health. Let that sink in a bit......

2.)If we stop trying to figure out what to do, or what's RIGHT for us to do, and spend that time studying Jesus and Kingdom, we will invariably end up knowing what to do because we'll know where His heart is and Where He's up to things. It's all in The Word. Alive and active, folks. Alive and active. 

Hi. I'm Elisabeth. I'm going to be 31 this week. I have absolutely no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing with my life. I don't own a house. My car runs on grace. I make enough $ to survive. Period. And I am ridiculously in love with Jesus Christ. Period. I want others to get how free they can be. That's my passion. That's what I love. I'm not ashamed of where I am anymore. I'm radically loved by the King of Kings. The living one who hand-knit me together. Nothing else matters. Nothing else goes with me when I die. Jesus. Just Jesus. The end. 

No comments: