Friday, November 11, 2011

Raw. (Chapter 1)

I've lost 80 pounds. When you lose a significant amount of weight, people are constantly asking you how you did it. What your secrets are. Sometimes I feel as if they ask and then look at me as if I'm going to pull pixie dust out of my purse and sprinkle it on them and magically give them all the answers.  Now, I DO actually usually carry pixie dust in my purse, but that's a whole other issue and story.  The reality is that while people can definitely lose weight on their own with hard work, I found that for me, it was impossible without a dramatic work of Jesus Christ deeply and profoundly affecting,  healing, restoring, renewing, re-wiring, and re-teaching me who He really is. It's been the toughest, most painful, most lonely, most beautiful, most amazing, and most thrilling ride so far. And I KNOW it's only begun. 

 I was overweight for years. The way in which I deal with stress is to eat. It is one of the comforts I turn to. And until I saw and admitted the actions and thoughts that led to over-eating, nothing was going to change for me. And one day, Jesus gently and lovingly poked and prodded me in this area until I finally let go and called it what it is. Bondage. An unhealthy mindset and addiction. The moment I listened to Him and agreed with Him about my eating was the moment everything began to change. 

What happened first was a desire to get over and away from unhealthy and destructive thought and eating patterns. That was a gigantic project that took time, energy, large amounts of dedication, studying, memorizing, re-wiring my mindset and the way I think. It was actually all about learning to Believe God (not believe IN God). Learning to accept who He is. Who I am. Work through all the painful childhood issues. Allow Him full access to my life. (Especially to my past.) once that all started happening, the weight issue naturally fell into step alongside of the rest. I began attending Zumba classes because I was at a point in my spiritual journey of recognizing that God wants to be Lord of all-and that includes having complete authority and access to my body as well. So I was attempting to put my body under His rein and commit to health for Him more than for me. Of course, once I got into Zumba I  fell in love. And it's actually a way for me to give myself to Him. When I dance-even when it's hip-hop, it's a very serious time of working out my day. Mentally I process through the day as I dance. And I am dedicating my health, my body, my well-being to Him. I actually learn so much and gain such perspective from Zumba. It's not just about exercise. It's about something so much bigger and so much greater. Which is one of the reasons why it's so hard for me when I'm not able to do it.  

The point is, weight loss is really a secondary issue and a reflection of the emotional and mental healing that has taken place within me. If you're struggling with big over-eating, it's bondage.  Look deep inside. Or maybe you won't even need to look that far. You will find an issue. A hang up. A hurt. An anger. A fear. It is what feeds that extra hunger. Deal with that, and you will naturally and unknowingly begin to take on and tackle your weight issue before you even realize it. Let Him in. Give Him full access to your heart.  What's your greatest fear or the one thing you protect with a vengeance? Tear down that wall. Give THAT up. It changes everything. He really DOES have only good for you. And more incredible good than you can comprehend. Admit to yourself and Him that you don't fully believe that and you've begun. 

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