I'm learning a whole lot about bravery lately. I have a lot of psychology in my background. I understand it extremely well. There's a mindset I've been taught that it's good and healthy to face your weaknesses. To see the unhealthy flaws within you and deal with them. And certainly, at times it is. In fact, it's essential at SOME point to go through this. To maybe start seeing weaknesses in yourself that you usually don't. But, here's what I'm seeing lately. And for once, this is NOT based on psychology.....
When you experience that moment (or season) of sudden shock of self, of having blinders taken off & suddenly seeing flaws in yourself that you're convinced others must've been seeing for quite some time, it's extremely hard to pull out of it. The tendency is shame. Sorrow over ourselves. Maybe even a guilt. And a desire to hide from the world until you feel you've gotten it together enough to be in close relationship with people again without appearing raw. And we're often told that facing these moments and being in that spot is brave because it's hard and painful. But The King has been showing me a new way if looking at things lately. Here's a question for you. For me:
What if, when faced with this season or situation, rather than react as usual, we CHOOSE to look in the mirror and only see what HE does?
The other day I was wallowing in a mild case of self-disgust over an unhealthy behavior I suddenly recognized in myself. As I put on my mascara that morning, I felt the voice of the Spirit say "look at yourself. I mean.....REALLY look. Who. Are. You?......." I smiled. I knew this! "I am who God says I Am." He asked, "and what's that?" I smiled and again rattled off the answer. "Daughter of the King. Co-heir of Jesus Christ Himself. Resident of The Kingdom....." and suddenly, it hit me. In a flash I realized something. I had two options for that day:
A.) dwell on the unhealthiness I had just seen in myself, be embarrassed over my behavior, & hide out because I didn't want to face the world until I've processed, talked it out, exhausted the"root".
B.) know truth, hold my head up high, and live it. Simply. Powerfully. Effectively. With Authority. When you see the flaws but choose to function in who God sees you as and says you are in spite of them, it goes against the tendency to sit in the ugly. It takes more effort to believe how powerful & effective you are when you're looking at mistakes. It takes an extreme amount of bravery to say "God. I've messed so much up. I AM so messed up. I don't have anything together. But I am yours. So here I go." And then go tromping off to heal disease, move mountains, cast out demons despite yourself. (You know we have that much authority, right?) Now THAT'S bravery. Hi. My name's Elisabeth. And I want to be brave.