Breaking.

I've been unusually on the silent side lately. I get like that sometimes when I am hurting, wrestling, struggling with something, or going through a "nobody cares anyway so why do I bother to ever post anything" insecurity stage. (Yeah. I'm a normal woman who has severe insecurity flare-ups. Go figure.) Since all of the above is currently happening simultaneously, my head feels a bit like the tire swings I used to love as a child. You know what I'm talking about-you'd sit on that thing and wind it around and around until the rope it was on was so tightly twisted it couldn't move another inch. And then, turn it the other direction, push off with a foot, and WHOOSH! The whole world is suddenly spinning around you and everything is moving too fast and shifting and blending together and colliding. 

A number of recent events have brought some junk to the surface. A few issues. A few fears. A few insecurities. A few old wounds that I tend to think I've worked through and then -POP- like a cork coming off a bottle of champagne the issue is bubbling over the rim and I have to make some decisions on how to react. 

I've chosen to react in many different ways before. This time, I wasn't sure what to do. I'm in an unfamiliar place. I'm on the verge of some of the light I usually have in me dying out. It's scary to be without your support system, money, vehicles.........

So I went back to what did it for me the first time. The things that transformed me completely from the inside out. I figured a little brush-up wouldn't hurt. I dug around in my boxes until I found them: A copy of the Believing God videos and a copy of the book Captivating.

It amazes me what you can forget and what you can miss the first time or 4 around. I did not expect to be blindsided and have the breath knocked out of me again like this. It's been so incredibly refreshing, I just had to throw some stuff up here and begin praying that someone else really needed to hear it too. That is my hope; that this isn's just healing for myself but for you:

IT'S OKAY TO BE BROKEN. Allow yourself the freedom to break. Let down your walls with God. Embrace the sorrow. The grief. The wound. Cry. It's OKAY!!!! He's here. He's crying too. He doesn't require your strength, He has quite enough to go around-thank you very much-and He doesn't force Himself on you. He's a gentleman. So If you truly want restoration, healing, redemption, God to come for you.......you've got to invite Him in. Into the weakness. Into the hurt. Once you do, you'll never be the same again.