All the time in the World.

You know when You begin to realize new things? When you suddenly learn something world-altering? When you experience that rush of new breath or hope and suddenly want to propel forward in it as quickly as possible? Or when you see something in yourself that needs work. Almost the exact same moment you see it, you desire to run at full force toward a solution of some kind.

But what if God has a completely different view on things?

At this point in my life, I'm not proficient in many forms of art. I have a very artistic brain and nature, but haven't learned to speak the language yet.  I tried on multiple occasions. I bought supplies and set out to master painting. Or drawing. Gritting my teeth and spending days determined to walk away having successfully figured things out.

I've also experienced several "awakenings" in which my eyes were opened drastically and suddenly to myself.  To my ugliness. At one point to my craziness. Unhealthy behavior in every way. And immediately, I surged straight forward with every single fiber of my being,
absolutely focused and set on fixing it. now.

In both of these, I fell flat on my face. Hard. Had the wind knocked out of me for quite a while. Left so exhausted that I actually got sick from it. And got up frustrated and agitated and instantly began running again. Sometimes it takes me a while to get things through my stubborn head.

I have always strongly fought bull-headed and stubbornly against "the process." I've always butted against taking time to learn, experience, heal, train, know things. I think in a way almost everybody does. I think in our nature, we don't like the thought of a slow process to "get there". I always want nothing more than to just figure it out so I can get to work accomplishing "it".

My friend Jessie has given me a new perspective. Well, she's tried several times. And I didn't listen.
But perhaps studying Advent has helped me to grasp this at last.....
Jesus actually delights in "process". He likes to watch every step of it. If we're open, if our eyes are looking, we can see that He loves it because it allows Him to walk alongside us in every step of the process. And He delights in the intimacy that can result from that. Because He delights in His kids and hanging out with them. And perhaps that's exactly why things take time.

If I saw unhealthiness in myself and was able to work it out in a day, I would miss the ways I learned who He is and experienced Him through the 5 years it took.

If I learned how to draw this weekend, I would miss the opportunity to sit with a pencil and Him and ask Him to begin showing me His artistic side as I begin the journey into learning.

If we let go of trying to be so put together and embrace the process-whatever that may be in this season for each of us-we can potentially be extremely and pleasantly romanced and delighted in by our King.
And that's worth all the time in the world.

When the end is the beginning.

This has undoubtedly been a unique, full, and quite an eventful year.  And not just for me. For most of you as well. I see a pattern of God doing some crazy things in 2013. Some years just seem to be like that, don't they? What has stood out to you this year? What has been the most difficult challenge? The most beautiful thing? A place you've seen Jesus at work and redemption happening? 

Two years ago sitting in an airport Starbucks, Miss Beth told me that by looking at my face she could see that whatever I had been walking through was finished. Wrapped up. And that God was about to take me on a new crazy ride. I would have never believed that by December of this year I'd be writing this from a Starbucks in downtown Houston. I never actually planned on Jesus answering so many of my prayers. But answer He did.  

I had learned and observed enough to know that I wasn't going to thrive if I tried to conform to the pressure to settle down into "normalcy." But living in normalcy was where I was.  So I asked Him to plant passion within me. I asked Him to use me and mold me into a world-changer. He responded by bringing me to Africa. I was shredded and ripped apart for good. I asked Him if I could live there. He didn't say "yes" but sent me. Again. Departing for Kenya on the exact day I had left for South Africa the year before. As I sat on that plane and settled in for a long 2 days of flying, I marveled at the fact that this was the second June 25th that I was heading halfway across the world. And yet I doubt He cares to freely give what I ask for.  Only humans!

When I got back, I knew it was time for some serious change. I knew somewhere deep down that everything about my life was going to be unique. I have been through too much and seen pain and need too deep. I have also experienced and witnessed the redemption and healing power of Jesus at a level that just won't let me return to a typical way of living. I didn't say anything at first, 

(probably out of a fear that nothing would change), but I began looking into what the future might contain. I began slowly getting rid of stuff. I began looking into options. And then He finally answered.  And quickly. I received the phone call and in two weeks I was in Houston. Working for an incredible organization. And I get to spend at least the next 9 months serving and ministering to others as I grow and learn more about who I am and what He may have for me.  

It's not easy. I am still needing to make friends.  It's simple. I'm used to being unhealthily busy. There's not very many familiar things here. That's scary. I have to live on raised support.  Talk about difficult! I desperately yearn for family of my own. Being single is strange, alienating, and bitterly painful. But in the pain I get to experience Jesus as a lover in a way so weird and different and intimate. And I'm learning to accept and appreciate that more while waiting on Him to bring me the one He's designed. 

Houston is beautiful. In a different way.  The skyline is breathtaking at times.  It's a huge city.

 (4th largest in the U.S.) This means there are many incredible churches, ministries, and opportunities. And as I moved here an incredible passion I've never experienced before settled into my bones. A passion for justice. A passion to abolish the hideousness and evilness of human trafficking. I found out about it, I learned about how bad it is, and I can't look away.  It runs through my veins constantly. And I'm strangely thankful to be in the NUMBER 1 U.S. city for traffickers to send people. Because this is it.  This is the next step.  The first page of the new chapter for me. The end of the year being just the beginning of something huge. 

How about you? What's been hard? What's been beautiful? How is Jesus at work in your story?

Saturday Morning Musings.

I woke up today and just began banging away at the keyboard. And of course, I feel so passionate about things I have to say at least some of it "out loud". Even if it's just to myself:.......

I want the Church to rise up and see things.  Understand that they really do have the ability to incredibly change this world. That there's power and resources never-ending at their fingertips. That whatever reason they have for feeling unqualified or daunted is not a problem for Him. And that God isn't going to force it on them, but they have to choose it, grab it, and run with it.  He longs to partner with us. To use us for mighty things and simultaneously give us an incredible and wild ride of a life. But we need to awaken to this. We need to get up off the "couches" of the lives we've created for ourselves and walk away.  Walk away from the enticing comforts of this world that are so good and remember the good is often the enemy of the very best. The enemy's stealthy and sneaky way of keeping us from rising up: "It's just a normal life. I'm a good person.. I tithe. I am involved at church.  My kids go to a Private school.  We volunteer in our community. My life doesn't look different than anyone else's!"……

Exactly.  We look like everyone else.  THAT'S THE PROBLEM. How in the world is looking like everyone else going to make any difference in this world?!

We weren't even created for this world.  LET'S STOP LIVING AS IF WE WERE!!!!!! I've been told "But it's not a crime to enjoy life. To live comfortably." No. It's not.  But the thing is we become stagnant. Distracted. And suddenly wake up one day wondering if this is all there will be to our lives. The living comfortably suddenly isn't the most amazing thing anymore.  It's because there's something in us telling us there's supposed to be more than this.

WE were made to be mighty warriors. Part of an army. Daily arising to work for and advocate our kingdom.  With fierce roars of war upon the one who has reeked havoc on this world.  Taking back the piles of ashes the Destroyer has created and watching as Jesus grabs them and creates redemptive beauty out of them. Healing the sick. Ridding disease. Rescuing the unseen and unheard that are trapped. (Yes. WE can do this!  Jesus said Himself that we are SUPPOSED to.  We have just forgotten!) Getting down and dirty in the gutter with the addict. Come on now.  This is a basic Sunday school question: Where would Jesus be today if He was physically walking this Earth.? You know the answer. Let's start looking like it, church.  For the Kingdom's sake. 

Here's to ending it!

When I moved to Houston, I thought that perhaps this would be a wonderful year to begin networking with the mega-churches in the area that do a lot of youth ministry, women's ministry, and global missions. I knew Houston was huge and hoped for new ways to get involved in what I pictured my future probably contained. And I can see already that I was so right. And even more wrong.

 Last year I began learning about TheA21 campaign, an organization started by Christine Caine of Hillsong United. And right before I moved, I began her book called Undaunted. It's mainly about fulfilling the calling God has for your life. But part of it is about her journey into the work she does. When-through her words-I met the first group of girls she helped rescue from this modern-day slavery, I had my "Schindler's List" moment. Something shifted within me. Something came awake. Up until that point, I was convinced that working in Africa was going to be the thing I would forever be the most passionate about. I would have never dreamed of caring about anything more. And then this happened.

 

I learned that there are 27 million people enslaved in human trafficking today.
That every 30 SECONDS another person becomes a victim.

I learned that almost 100,000 children are sold into sex slavery every year in the United States. These statistics can be numbing numbers. But when you think about, read individuals stories, and consider what those numbers mean (180 people every time you watch a movie), I have a difficult time understanding how it doesn't shake you to your core. And the fact is the numbers are rising. This problem has been growing. And yes.  Even right here.


When I moved last month, I had learned all the statistics and was processing this in my heart. A bit shaken. Once I got here my team took me on a prayer tour of the city, something we do when a youth group comes for a missions trip. At that time they informed me that Houston is the #1 city in the U.S. for Human Trafficking because of the I-10 corridor and the Ship Channel. (Many of those trafficked are forced into and locked in shipping containers like sardines.) I was in shock. My roommate proceeded to point out several buildings the next week that are known to be trafficked brothels. And I had a flashback of being in Kenya this summer. There's a particular building next door to one of Agape's properties that for several reasons I'm positive is a trafficked brothel with CHILDREN. It all began sinking in. And I realized something. I have never felt so deeply about anything in my entire life. I can't stop thinking about it all the time. I want to crawl out of my skin it bothers me so badly. I want to scream and shout and stand on every street corner and make every person aware of this. When I pass what I know in my spirit is a brothel, I picture young children and young women-trapped helplessly in those rooms and it takes every ounce of energy in me not to burst through those doors and do something. How can we just pass by? How can we not DO SOMETHING?! NOW! These victims are chained up. Broken. Horribly abused. Crying out for help in their spirit. And unheard. Without hope.

I have to believe that this injustice is something Jesus hates. Something He'd physically be stomping all over if He was walking across earth today. Something He'd be unstoppably active and vocal about. Without apology.
Wait!......... So then........ Why He isn't doing these things now?.....
Why is He allowing this?................ And then it hit me.

 WE are Jesus on Earth. We are called to be His hands and feet.
What does the LORD require of us?
-"To Seek Justice, Love Mercy, and walk Humbly with thy God." Micah 6:8.
-"But don't just listen to God's Word. You must do what it says.
  Otherwise, you are only fooling yourselves." James 1:22.
God's Word talks openly and often about seeking justice, taking care of those who can't take care of themselves. Standing up for those who need it. Jesus IS at work. He IS diligently rescuing and redeeming. But only a small percent of those trafficked are rescued. That's inexcusable. And I wonder if perhaps, one of the reasons this hasn't already been stamped out is because not enough people are realizing that Jesus does wait for us. He does want and need us to be Him in this World. Sure. He could handle it on His own. But He CHOOSES to wait for us. He is allowing us the privilege to CHOOSE working for Him and with Him. He is allowing us to take part in what He's doing. He's waiting on us to choose this. What a blessing and honor! To work for the ONE who can't be stopped. To have the ONE who created this Universe on our side as we squash and eliminate the most horrific crime imaginable and the other crimes it ends up entailing. But we need to get going. Get active. The 30 million can't cry out for help. They can't get out. They NEED us. They need Y-O-U. We have the God of all resources on our side. We have each other. If the church came together with all of this truth in the forefront, we would be un-stoppable. I believe it's possible to wipe this out for good. I believe it's up to us. I believe it's up to YOU. You can make a difference. You can.

 I don't yet know what the future contains for me. But I am glad God moved me here where this is huge. I am glad for the year of developing relationships with organizations that are actively rescuing girls here in town and across the globe. And I'm excited for a future that I am convinced will entail working to end this. WE can and WILL be their freedom. I'd love to see you on that journey. I have resources if you're interested.

Breathe.

I've been wrestling with and talking lately about this pressure I constantly sense to have a life plan. My friend works here in Houston for a mega-church as a worship leader. She gets to travel a lot and do some of the coolest things. I'm quite envious of her talent and the job she has. And even she was telling me this week that she's been wondering about it lately. Feeling pressure to move up. Make her way. Have more income & stability. We both agreed that we feel like maybe if we just figure out how to get things good and stable, we would be doing God a favor. And we wondered out loud if even when working for a church there's pressure coming from within to move in that direction with life. Stability. The goal. 

But then my friend said something so simple yet so profound. She was talking about recently really worrying over it. In her words: "I was spending time trippin' over it for a while & then all of a sudden I realized what a waste that is. Because I'm the ONLY one tripping. God's not tripping. It's not as if anything I do to be more stable affects or improves His plan for my life." Yes. Exactly. 

It is a waste. We act like we can improve things. When in reality His plan is more brilliant than anything we could come up with in the first place. And the energy wasted on the striving.....so much that could be spent on so many better things!  I guarantee stability and finances are the least of His concerns. He owns it all already. He came shift it around anytime He wants. 

With that as our focus, we can confidently go against the flow of the "normal" and practice perhaps the largest and most amazing act possible as the children of The King. Be still & breathe. It's not up to us. Let's stop functioning like it is. 

Church and polka dots.

A few matching luggage bags. When I take them on vacation, I get teased for needing more than one of their space on the adventure. Funny how suddenly those same bags look so different when everything I own is in them. It becomes strangely daunting. I look at them. I remember dragging them through the dirt on more than several occasions in Mexico. Wondering if the airline would ever find them in South Africa. And on the way to Kenya, rolling them through 3 countries in 30 hours-always with the "click-click-click-click" of the wheels echoing behind me and bouncing almost hauntedly off the hallways of the airports at 2 or 3 am. 

Quite differently this time, they seem so small. Sitting there busting at the seams  with clothing and pictures and a few special trinkets I have hauled halfway across the world. It sinks in that this is what's left to my name. I stare at them. I think about the fact that one month ago I had 4 times this much stuff, a room of my own, and a car. Every time I went to Target, I'd run into people I know. Every day at work, I knew the names of hundreds of people I made drinks for. And on a Sunday morning I could walk into any room at church and find "family." 

Everything is so different. Constantly transitioning. I haven't even unpacked my suitcase in the last month. I moved to Texas and then went to New York for 5 days and then came back to a project that involved moving locations across town. (I finally get one wall of a bedroom tomorrow.) Today I sat at church and didn't know a soul. And I didn't recognize any faces at the store. I had some moments of almost panic, just wanting to lay eyes on someone who knows me. Who I have history with. Longing for the hug or shared glance that ends up being an entire conversation.  

As I was struggling today with wanting something familiar, I realized I did have it.  It may not be a hug or the words of my friends that I am missing, but there WAS something I know right in front of me today. The Word of my King was taught. I sang songs I've known my entire life-the depth of "here I raise my ebineezer" just as powerful here as anywhere else. And there was something else this evening that I found comfort in. One other thing that has been old and familiar to me during the last 30 days. It's those danged polka dot suitcases. Oh, hey, old friends. Thanks for strangely being with me in yet another new place. Thanks for being consistent. 

Undaunted.

I recently began reading the book Undaunted by Christine Caine. I've rarely had a book capture my attention so quickly and entirely the moment I opened it. This is from the first chapter: 

"I offered no excuses that day, but I did know that there were reasons. Reasons that, when we hear God's call, when we feel that gentle (or not so gentle) urging of God's Spirit for us to make a bold step, take a risk, serve others, save a life, commit-we so often hold back. 

It's because we don't feel empowered. 

We don't feel qualified.

We think we lack the courage, the strength, the wisdom, the money, the experience, the education, the organization, the backing.

We feel like Moses when, from out of the burning bush, God called him to speak for him before Pharaoh. And Moses answered "Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent....I am slow of speech and tongue......please send someone else." (Exodus 4:10-13) 

Not me, God.

I'm afraid. 

Weak. 

Poor. 

Stupid. 

Unqualified. 

Daunted. 

Not long ago, that is exactly how I would have responded. But it has never been my desire to be daunted, to be afraid, to be unable to respond to God's call. Is it yours? I doubt it. I think that you, like me, want to be able to say instead, "here I am Lord-send me." We don't want to sound like Moses, stammering around in search of excuses. And we don't need to. Because, just as God gave Moses exactly what he needed to accomplish great things for God, he will equip us in just the same way. If he calls us to slay giants, he will make us into giant slayers. 

God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called."