Fear again.

I've been thinking a lot about fear lately. And I've come to the conclusion that it is the number one thing the enemy is attempting to breed throughout this Earth. Why, you say? Oh, I'm so glad you asked!......
Okay. So I believe that fear, or anger for that matter, (anger=the emotional outburst of fear) is quite possibly one of the most controlling and paralyzingly experiences known to man. Think about it. I know that fear has been a prevalent problem in my life. I've lived with it in almost every area for almost all my years. Only recently am I beginning to find the beginnings of victory. I'm cultured. I'm educated. Im deep. I'm trained in people skills & functioning under stressful conditions. I know how to handle much. However, when fear enters the picture I'm a completely different person. I become non-functional. Frozen emotionally and sometimes mentally. It prevents me from experiencing life. And God. I have begun to see how fear itself is quite certainly the emotional display of un-belief. And THAT, my friend, is a dangerous position to be in. I've been trying to catch each experience of fear as it tries to wash over me in tidal waves over the last year or so. And I've been attempting to examine each experience & why & how it's upon me. The thread tying them all together?.... It's simple. The enemy trying to prevent me from being all that God gives me the potential to be. Period. Fear is his largest weapon in his battles against me. He wants me to see it coming & become frozen in my assurance that things are not going to go right. He uses this tactic with all of us. Trying to appear huge, scary, powerful. We buy it every time. I know we do. If we didn't, we'd be living completely different lives. We'd look completely different. A person who believes God completely & takes Him at His Word doesn't look like the rest of this world. They walk with confidence. They are assured of His love & their place in His kingdom. They know how much power & authority they have. (Matt.10:1, Mark 6:7, Luke 4:6, Luke 10:19, Col.2:10) they use it. They are bold. They are changing the world. This is what I'm wrestling with. So I'll shoot it out there for you, too. What am I afraid of? In what area am I not taking God at His word? Why don't I believe Him when He says I can move mountains & trample snakes & cast out demons? Why do such things seem big and scary to me, anyway? Because I allow distraction from truth. I choose to believe something other than God's Word. Let's begin living in faith. Let's shake up this world. I'm going back to the basics. I'm choosing to recite these things every morning. I'm going to watch it change me.....
1.God is who He says He is
2. God can do what He says He can do
3. I am who God says I am
4. I can do all things through Christ
5. God's word is Alive and active in ME
IM BELIEVING GOD

Fear

Okay. This is a very nutshell version of the theme that the Lord has seemed to be hounding me with nowadays. This is something Miss Beth taught on & her voice making these points is just not leaving my head. And since im bored & kinda lonely right now, I'm gonna scribble it down here. I hope this is some good to someone out there. I'm so thankful that It's her voice with His truth in my head lately rather than the condeming one that used to be. Praise Him for redemption from the pit!!!!!!..............

It will never be a lack of talent, ability, or the such that will keep us from living n our promised land & being effective.
 It will be FEAR. Always fear. 
(An emotional ourburst of unbelief. ) 
We allow fear to keep us from doing exactly what we know we should.
This is ridiculous, because God says to us "I have given u this land, now go stand on it!" Fear doesn't get to be a factor n my life. 
(I have to be more afraid of missing God in a situation than of what is before me to do. ) I need to look at each situation and pull the fear out. 
(am I refraining only because of fear? 
If so, I don't have any choice but to act anyway. 
Fear is not a good enough excuse. )
AREAS OF FEAR:
1.) the past (rooted in)
(Isaiah 43:18-19):
We're projecting an old fear on a new day!
(Joshua 3:3-4):
My temptation is to project an old fear on a new PLACE. 
I need to just go there!!!! (physically. Literally!)
2). Fear of saying "yes"!
I'm afraid to get out there & learn in front of others,
To make mistakes and not be perfect at first. To look weak. 
(2 Timothy 1:6-7)

Let's not allow fear to have any place in our hearts and minds! Be different!!

Arise!

You tell me I'm crazy. You think it's naive and ridiculous to believe in an invisible God. And you say that if God DOES exist, you hate and want nothing to do with Him because He would be a judgmental and hateful being who wants to suck the fun out of your life and demand that you do, do, do. And if you don't do, you don't get. You don't like the idea of giving control to another being and believing them for everything.  You're convinced you have no need for God and He's just an idea used as a crutch. If there IS a Heaven and Hell, you're sure your good will outweigh your bad and you'll be okay. But what if you're wrong?!?!

You used to believe in God. You attended my church. You were even more involved in youth group than I was. You were a leader for the rest of us. An example. You were bright and your life LOOKED so good and happy and it shone with a uniqueness in this world. But not anymore. I ran across your facebook today. Your info was all about how much success you've achieved. It had tons of foul language and clearly said "IT'S ALL ABOUT ME!!!" You obviously spend hours at the gym. You look perfect.......and perfectly miserable. You aren't shining in your pictures. Your eyes have lost that sparkle I once saw every day. You dress in a way that tells me your concern is attention alone. You party. Like....All the time. What happened to you? What happened to that girl I once knew?

You are a member of my church. You attend every Sunday. You sit in the front row. You have a church bumper sticker on the back of your car. You've served in ministries here for years. I know you well. You are looked up to by a lot of people in our congregation. You lead. You direct. You even memorize verses. You're one of those who's always in the know..........
And you live in deceit.
You have a very nice job. You own a medium-sized home.  And 2 cars. You spend each Christmas at a ski resort for your family vacation. But, hey. You throw at least a $20 in the plate each week. You give to our special projects and when you have a bonus come in at work. So you're doing great. You love God. You really do! And you pray for those who don't. Pray for a miracle. But you do it out of duty, because come on, God doesn't do all those amazing things He used to. Not anymore. You have a plan and back-up in case things ever get rough. You know how you'd take care of your bills and family. You say your goal is to love God. By the things you're doing at church, you're sure you're giving enough of yourself to serve Him and make Him pleased. You're impacting somebody, somewhere. Or ARE you?

Whoever you are, know this. God is so very real. He knit you together with His very hands. He is crazily, insanely in love with you! Yes, YOU! He longs to take whatever life you've had and create the most beautiful thing out of it's ashes! He is still the God of the Bible, performing miracles every single day! He can do ANYTHING and in Him SO. CAN. YOU!!! Arise. Seek Him. And be transformed. Be different. Be filled with the authority of His Sprit. Walk in it. Trample your enemy under your foot. Succeed. Hold your head high. Be the change. Relish life in Jesus!!!!!!!! 

1 and 1.5

The journey continues. Learning to become who I am and less of who I WAS or THINK I am. This week has been one of the hardest I can seem to remember. I asked The Lord to teach me a way of living that involves actively placing myself into situations where God HAS to come through & there's no alternative. Why? A.) increase MY faith to experience His intimate provision. B.) I get to know His heart better. C.) It allows others to see Him in a way that can't be excused or denied. And boy did He answer me.......

Challenging and exhausting work schedules. Learning to live for days on like 3 dollars. Surprising and extremely painful conversations that shake you to your core. And unexpected joy and purpose right when u needed it in seeing someone u knew years ago, and seeing that they're totally on fire in the most beautiful way.  God is so alive and active!

 I've continually been contemplating what action I can immediately take towards changing the way I do life.
 I may not know an exact answer at this point to my question of what God desires for me to do with my dedication to simple and Biblical living. But I do know there are always small things that can be done now to impact my little world around me right where I'm at. I need to start by being faithful and an example to those in the body.   Being the change, right? There are two ways I've decided to implement change this month:

1. I made a commitment to giving much  more that 10% back to God. This becomes particularly challenging when u are giving to the point of not being able to pay bills unless God comes through. But that is exactly the point! I think the issue isn't a number. The issue is whether u trust Him enough to give it to Him and live on Faith and His provision. This is difficult and it's been shaking me up. I didn't think about money for the last 2 yrs. Always made more than enough. Shopped several times a week.  Now I have to calculate every item I purchase. I have to think about every carton of soy milk and apple and box of cereal. Thank you Jesus for an abundance of free coffee!

2. Beginning October 1st and lasting all of next year, I committed to shopping for clothing only at thrift stores. No new items. I will purchase clothing from Gooodwill, Salvation Army, and Buy Rite. This will cut un-needed cost and help to provide jobs for people in our community. As I believe God to provide me extra money because of my efforts in the area, I am going to use that money to support a second child through World Vision. This time from Africa.

Anyone want to join me in these commitments? I would relish some companionship.  

Steppin that foot in the water first.

Okay. In my studies today I picked up on a theme that landed upon my shoulders pretty heavily. It may be an idea that you are very familiar with, and if that's the case, my prayer is that this will be an encouraging reminder to your spirit today....

I often feel intense frustration when I can see or understand the way I believe things should be done, but there seems to be a lack of action. Either with the apathy, self-centered ideals, and luke-warmness with which my friends live out their faith, or the way the church chooses to do something, etc.... 
I wonder to myself if anybody out there is ever going to be on the same page as me. And, anyway, why ME? Why do I-a college dropout,  seemingly very average, not genius person-get to see these incredible "secrets and mysteries" of the faith only to be left baffled at the blindness of those around me? (and I'm talking about WITHIN the body, here!) Why does God reveal these things to ME?! Ever feel that way? Here's the encouragement I found today.......
In Joshua it tells us a story about the people crossing over onto dry land. We all know it. Ah. But look closer. The priests were commanded to step out first as a way of stating "This is ours. The Lord has given it to us. The enemy is sitting on it and we're about to take what is now ours."  See the spiritual application we have here?

Now I'm no priest, but just as the priests of the Isrealites were the spiritual leaders, the example that the people looked up to, so am I.  I'm called to ministry. To a stricter life than even most Christians are. And because of the position I've been given within the body of Christ, ive been working out my spiritual muscles. This means I strong enough to handle possibly a bit more weight than someone who hasn't been working out for quite as long. And that means God can place a bit more weight upon me. The weight of seeing things a bit deeper. And clearer. And sometimes because of that i gotta stick my feet on that land and go before the people and be an example for them to follow. Teach them how it should be. Open their eyes to the mediocracy the enemy is desperately trying to deceive us all into living in. (Don't get me started. Seriously. His goal is getting you to think you're living a good, "normal" life as long as you're attending church and tithing. Don't you see that as long as we're content with this we're no threat to him?! Go read Crazy Love. No. Really. Go read it!)

I understand this a lot right now because of the fact that I've been getting it shape. I've been spending a lot of time working out at the gym. Getting healthy. Working out my muscles. And Im now far enough on this journey to health to be the example and motivator to others in teaching them the importance of getting healthy. That means I know more about how to eat and what ways to exercise and how to do the exercises correctly than they might. And I need to be to encourager, go before them, and teach them how.  Apply this to the spiritual realm and we'll begin having a healthier world. BE THE CHANGE. EFFECT OTHERS AROUND YOU!!!! At this point in life, my heart is to show those in the church around me how to live abandoning ourselves and the American  dream for one very, very different than what Society is pounding into our sight. It's scary how comfortable we've grown in apathy. It frightens me. 

Okay. Tangent over. Make a difference where you're at. Today. Peace. 

Bucket lists

I've recently begun to realize an area I've fallen back into (and maybe never left) of un-belief. Un-belief in God's ability, willingness, and/or concern for me or parts of my life. I have a lot of faulty thinking I need to deal with. One of the biggest struggles I have is believing God delights in miracles, wholeness, and the desires of our heart. Silly, because it's not at all true. In fact, if u really get into it, u can argue that He's the one who puts them there in the first place!......
Something I heard today was that everyone has things that they struggle with. The key is to struggle WELL. Hmmmmm. Struggle well. How do I do that? By being honest and open about myself. In the lighthearted side of that idea, I've decided to share the core of my bucket list. I just thought it'd be fun, and I have nothing to be ashamed of in sharing it. So here are my top desires, or things I seriously want to do in my lifetime and need to believe my God is big enough to do them if He wanted:
One I've done in the past. One I'm very trained for but there's no demand for it.  One is halfway done. One I want more than any of the others, or anything else I've ever desired. Can you guess which ones I'm talking about?:•}
1. Perform in the theater
2. Work for Disneyland
3. Visit every single state/see special landmarks in each 
4. Compose music
5. Create an incredible painting
6. Work for Living Proof 
7. Learn how to ballroom dance
8. Start an orphanage and school in Africa
9. Be loved (romantically)
10.Go horseback riding
11. Live in a tree or hut for a minimum of 1 yr. 
12. Compete in a dance competition
13. Work as a therapeutic clown 

Twists and turns around the bend (part 2)

You ever have a conviction about something grow so strongly within you that u wish you could be allowed to force everybody to be tied down until they hear what u have to say and have their lives dramatically affected like yours has been by whatever the subject or issue? Well, this happens to me. It's frustrating. And while I can't force everyone to listen, I can pray the right people read this.

This is a continuation of a note I posted about a week ago. In it I talked about Paul convicting me in the way of being Jesus in this world. That subject has not ceased to bother me. And I've been contemplating it for a while. Here's a nutshell of my conclusion......

I act as if I will live for years to come. I put off so much because I think, "someday, I'll...". I'll what? Stop ignoring the problem with that relationship? Help more people? Go on more missions trips? Tell people what I keep saying I'll wait to say someday? Give away possessions I don't need that someone else does? All good things. All of which need to happen. And how do I really know I'll have the time
and be given the chance to do any of these things later? Maybe I'll get in a car accident tomorrow. Maybe I'll die of cancer 2 years from now. Maybe that brother or sister in Jesus needs to learn something from the things I not saying. Maybe children are dying who I could be helping. Maybe widows could be living in grace and redemption this year, but will be dead in 10. I can't, don't want to, and don't have a right to live this coosh life. I don't CARE if it's more comfortable having my own recliner, air conditioner, and all the Glee, Bones, and House I can stand taped on my DVR. I used to care. So much. But something is changing.

Now that I'm at Starbucks, I'm surprised at what the Lord is doing within me. I usually slip into a comfortable complacency when working in such an environment. Like, I get used to the way my co-workers live and like it when it rubs off on me. I typically compare myself to them to feel good about what I do. And this time......not so much. Rather than slip into what I wanted and was TRYING to find comfort in, I have found myself totally saddened by the lost and miserable state my co-workers are unknowingly in. I feel a burden for them to know the Lord. I come home from work being disgusted with myself and my country for being self-centered and only wanting wanting wanting. The more I go without DOING something, the more convicted I become. This world desperately needs to hear about the redemption of Jesus Christ. Most people living in this world need help to survive. And I have no right and little desire to sit back and do nothing about that. I HAVE to help people discover victory, grace, and redemption. I am compelled. Don't ask me how. I don't know yet. But I'm trying to figure it out. Soon. My life is too short. I don't want ANY of it wasted. I want to make a difference. To BE the difference. I'm not backing down. Im crazy. I'm intense. I'm extreme. I'm okay with that.